If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat

Does lifting the toilet seat seem like too much of a hassle?  Do you feel like maybe you've been spoiling your tush with a nice, dry seat?  Do you take pride in clogging the toilet, as if it's a medal of honor?  Come to my house- you'll fit right in! 

Boys, boys, boys.  There is a mystery behind them that I'll never understand.  The greatest one is WHY???!!!  Why can't you put your game controller down instead of attempting to "go" while playing?  Why do you laugh as you yell for me to come plunge the toilet? Why is there pee all over my bathroom? 

The next question is HOW???!!!  How can you manage to get pee on the walls, the seat and the lid and still possibly get some into the bowl? How much water did you drink today?  How do you feel about boarding school?

One Sunday, I had enough.  I locked the downstairs bathroom and placed a sign on the door stating that it had been closed my the Department of Public Health.  No one got the joke.  

I suppose someday it will get better, right?  Until then, I shall chant my mantra, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat...and the walls...and the floor...".